Ode Most Sublime to the Squishy
"When the burdens of this mortal coil weigh heavy upon my shoulders…. as heavy as the tomes of Aquinas…. I clasp thee, O Squishy, and with passionate compression, I implore thy succor. And lo! Thou respondest with a yielding so exquisite, a squelch so melodious it might charm the ears of Orpheus, molding to my digits as though thou wert the waxen tablet of the Muses. Then, in triumphant resurrection, thou returnest to thy pristine glory, cooler than the fountain of Castalia, readier for battle than Achilles donning his armor anew. Thou, dear Squishy, dost liberate the hand and soothe the tempest-tossed heart with delights tactile and profound. Thou art stress’s vanquisher, anxiety’s fool, and the jester-king of idle moments. In thy presence, even the most stoic philosopher would abandon his meditations for the pure poetry of the squeeze."